Friday, October 30, 2009

letting go

Last Monday night( to tuesday morning) I had one of the most wonderful dream. I think I told you about it, Cy.

Remember Lesson 1 and Lesson 2.

Well lesson 2, we were in a van of some sort. When the class was near to an end, you, Cy, told me that you had someone waiting for me.

I asked, of course, who?

You told me that it was Tortilos.

There he was, standing, on where our class-van would stop. Reaching out for my hand, with his smile.

A long dream filled with awful conversation of a romance that lasted a lifetime. We were talking about career, plans, why he quit. He was answering questions that I did not know. I woke up that day with an importnat questioned (for me lang naman) left unanswered.

I wanted to go back to sleep and lull away to dreamland. I wanted to know the answer to my last question. Unfortunately, work was calling via my two alarm clocks blaring loudly.

Even though there was still a question hanging i felt:
1. happy because well I dreamt of him, it was a dream that, hopefully propethic, told me of a wonderful future
2. renewed as to that I haven't been much thinking about him then this
3. and at the same time, perplexed for this was the first time I dreamt about him

Although, i have to face my mundane life, I was still half-asleep into that dream. Yup, I am guilty of wearing a silly smile last tuesday. On our everyday office siesta, I wanted nothing more but to go back to my-tortilos world.

Unfortuantely it would only be in night time, when Tortilos comes to visit again. This time (tuesday eve, wed morning) we were grocery shopping. We were comparing prices, arguing on what brand is better and buying things for our everyday need.

This dream got me even more hopeful. Somehow, I believed that he was dreaming of me too. Crazy, right?

I mean where would I get all those answers. So when I saw him online last wednesday, I braved up to him and said hello on YM.

He did not snob me at first, he replied with 'heya!'

So I asked him about his art show and why he wasn't eating lunch yet. Then it came to me, like a big thump.

I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we've talked
And I have been here many times I
just don't know what I'm doing wrong
What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there
There's only so much I can take
And I just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better
If I don't try and I don't hope
What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there
No more waiting,
No more aching
No more fighting,
No more trying
Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just gonna let it fly
What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there
Love me..

That heart wrenching empty space on YM made me realize that, infact, all of these was make believe. Those few shared conversations on YM, that meaningless yet making-my-day smile which he offers when I see him at a mall are all in my head. Most importanlty, My dream is MY dream and only mine. It is not shared. Life is not a scene from a fantasy chick-flick.

His subtle(hehe) rejection was enough wake up call from reality. (Come to think of it my crush grew when he first rejected me. ) I imposed upon myself a punishment. Whenever I click on his name on my YM list and opt to start a conversation, I will be my sister's (or even yours cy, if you read this) slave. She can order me around. She can order me to but things for her even (within budget)

My world, like my dream, is different from him. The Tortilos living in the real world is in fact different from the Tortilos living in my head and making me smile .

Monday, October 26, 2009

Somebody from My Past

What For?

Browsing, cleaning and throwing away stuff from my old work, I happened to run by some letters written by moi

I guess this was the time the quitting bug bit me. Even though my boss would assure of me a job well done, I was not satisfied with work. It became routinary, calling applicants scheduling them for interviews, organizing their training materials, welcoming them to the company and performing the first day of training, that type of shine. Every day when I wake up, I felt lazy to report to the office.

I wanted more out of it but then i couldn't give it more.

I just wasn't happy.

The Unemployment rate here in the Philippines is on an all time high. but before you decide on anything, think about it first. What does this job that I am about to accept has to offer. It is after all a two way street. You are doing your part and the company is doing his. You will be spending most of your hours at the office. Would you rather sit in a chair and type in front of a computer all day? Would you prefer selling high-end condominiums? Is this the really the career you want to get into?

My one-year stint at Megaworld somehow made me realize this. We were offering jobs to people, but then there were some, who after the interview, would refuse it. They did not want to to tackle the life that was being offered to them. Think about the pros and cons.

Date: February 13, 2009
Time: 9:37 am

to: Somebody in my future
subject: what for?

Here I am again asking myself what is the point of all that I am doing? Today, I am supposed to edit the EJDP workbook and proposal letter so that our company's property consultants can have their facts rights. So that clients will be pleased, but what for? dos it make help the go round? Does it ensure a better future? Does it provide for us a greener earth or even an accessible technology? What is the point of all this that I am doing? I know that condos help save space and real estate is a good investment, I've already underlined what will come out of my job. but the satisfaction that comes with it, thats' what I am missing. The joy that you've done something, that's what I am searching for. I don;t know where to look, I guess I should first start with me. Particulary because......................................

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

professional beggars

Pressed for time, as I was running late, because my sister got me hooked on this show Glee, I had no choice but to run at the waiting jeepney at the corner stop. Thank God that there were vacant seats left for for me and a couple more passengers.

Call me maarte or whatever. However, I didn't want to occupy the empty space next to a certain person. I squirmed my way to the other side just to there would be enough for 'isa pa, oh, isa pa'. Lucky for me, a man who was dressed in a lacoste-type shirt hurried his way to the end of the jeepney and sat in between us.

At first of course the man didn't seem to mind, but then his body language was telling a different story. He had left hand up in the rail thus his back more prominent to the certain person I was avoiding.

I knew who she (or he) was but not by name, rather someone I often see her. She was the middle-aged, tall, dark and skinny woman who positions herself along the over pass on Welcome Rotonda. She sits there all day carrying her child who I think is a year old. Probably haven't even taken a bath. Once, I even saw her giving dirty water to the child.

Of course the first time I saw them (mother and child) I was moved to pity. But then, after riding the same jeepney with them, not even once mind you, I think about where my pity and charity might be going?

Does it really feed them? Maybe they are just part of a sindicato. Or maybe they live in Tagaytay street, a place in our neighborhood that's rounded about by squatters, and all they do is gamble.

Who I really pity is the child. After all, he has a rights. Being used as a mere accessory to earn money for some selfish unemployed means is I think a violation of his rights.

Then what would happen, he would only learn from all of this. Not learn in a good way, mind you, he would take it up and take on begging as a profession.

Does the Philippines have laws against this kind of things?

It is easy to say go get a job, but hard for one to get one he really likes. In trying times, beggars cannot be chosers, just go ahead with whatever legal job accepts you.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

balik probinsya

After Ondoy hit Metro Manila hard, people are still trying to cope up with surviving especially those who have lost their homes (in Marikina and in Pasay).

Unfortunately, they can not stay in evacuation centers forever. These centers are either schools or like in Pasay, the Cuneta Astodome that serves a purpose. What more there also has been reports of the evacuees acting like beasts (not my words mind you, i'd like to use a direct quote, unfortunately don't have time google on who said it, but i do know that he is a mayor, Malabon I think). Vandalizing the schools and even stealing from these centers. There was a report that they would sneak into teachers' desk and get some safeguarded money. How mean!

Also the government's budget cannot hold them for at least two weeks more. So they are given now a week's time to recuperate. What the government is offering are three choices, balik probinsya, balik bahay and the relocation program

If it was me, I wouldn't take the balik bahay. It was a life-threatening situation that these victims were in. It happened once, it could happen again, if I were to stay here in Manila because my source of income is (doing great) here then I would ask to be relocasted somewhere else. (can I also sell my property?)

Nevertheless, there are those who opt for the BALIK PROBINSYA program that the government is offering. I think that this is a good opportunity for our kababayans who have realized that city life is indeed full of trials( kailangan makipagpukpukan ka para makuha mo yung gusto mo) and for them to start anew in their home provinces.

Manila in the movies is depicted as place where one can start. A place full of glamor and successes where one can get rich in an instant. However that's not real life. That's just media hoaxing us or to put it more bluntly showing the good side of city life.

It fails to show how did one get that level of success. It fails to show the hardships where one has been through. The bosses, be them good or bad, he has been under. The streets he walked from work instead of riding that jeepney, so that he can have dinner. The dinners he fasted upon so that he can buy something he wanted.

This is reality. Success is hard earned and not a bus ride away.

sa mga balaka pumunta: come to manila prepared with a plan and money in your pocket.
if you have a dream, dream big and pursue it with passion.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

She just wants to keep quiet

MARICEL LAXA is one of the nicest people i have ever interviewed. In fact after our little chit-chat, she asked us what our (me and the pep guy, mark who is interesting btw) age was and both gave us an advice that we were here for a reason.

Ijust want to come to her defense because although few comments from pep, they seem to be rude. We were only two guys from the media interviewing her at that tupperware event.

She could not be inveighed into saying who she had helped and what she had done after ondoy.

Here's the pep story: Maricel

Friday, October 09, 2009


My new boss, or should I call her my EIC, according to some colleagues has rep to change her mind. Nevertheless who am I to say no to all her demands? After all RHP or simply put rank has privileges.

Beyond my failed search for a cervical cancer survivor, she assigned me to do a different story which was about anorexia.

Luckily enough for me, my friend Cy, has a colleague who once was. So, I researched on the subject matter.

Then i found out the SYMPTOMS (should we call it that?)
1. vomiting
2. compulsive exercises
3. abuses laxatives

There was a time in college that I exhibited these symptoms,, not just the vomiting part. Me wonders if friends noticed it, probably not, am good at keeping secrets about myself eh ( kasi diba sa likod ng pack may counter doon. I remember na hindi ko pa inuubos madlas yung save it for tomorrow. Every weekend, I would not eat because the first time I tried not eating for 24 hours, my stomach flattened quite obviously.

I would get up early in the morning to exercise, even surfing cable TV just looking for a program with people doing some fitness aero on it. I think I was even the one who broke our exercise bike because of iver use. I shied away from the public transportation so I can get more physical activity out of walking ( well also to save money).

But i guess the worst part was my addiction to laxatives. My grandfather had problems with his colon, and he needed some medications for that. He had a supply of castor oil, which he detested because of the insipid taste. So, I took them and almost every day whenever I felt I overate I gulped down one bottle. The taste did not matter. At that time, it was all tasteless, no honestly, it was. When my castor oil supply run out, that was when I turned to Xenekot and Dulcolax. The former was more cheaper although one tablet of the latter does it for me.

Now, I'm not that very much into laxatives, heheh. Infact I eat and eat and eat.

But i do still worry about what it is I take in. I make sure that I eat something healthy and/ or drink a glass of milk everyday.

I'm only sharing these facts because hey maybe you also had anorexic tendencies you just don't know it

I Fear Famous People

October 5
late afternoon

Okay, so my first ever celebrity interview.

- PRANING! MAJOR, because I hated being late, what ever it may be, for deadlines or events. Our time set was 5pm and I was at the MRT station at what, 5pm? hahaha!

- More so I was reminded how easily i fumble whenever I'm near a celebrity. On my way to the ABS-CBN Talent center, I saw KAREN DAVILLA doing her radio show . I wanted an "I LOVE YOU KAREN DAVILLA" poster right then and there, knock and scream like crazy, I don't care if I'll cause a riot. The thing was, I don't even like Karen Davilla, I just know her as someone who delivers my evening news, that's it.

- I was running like a freak, even though my celebrity interviewee wasn't even in our meeting place. She wasn't even our way. Then, at the elevator, i saw Gina ALajar who was who was going out. I got googly eyed.

See, what I mean these are people we all know, but then not necessarily adore (excuse to some fans). Thank goodness my first interview is not as big celebrity a celebrity like say or even Judy Ann Santos or Marian Rivera (so there I'm not much into network war people), well hopefully she will be.

I remember back about a year ago, there was this shoe wear event and as I hated being late, I came in first. So the PR firm was still finalizing some details. I sat alone the function room, and I saw Jay-R, the RnB singer Jay-R pass by. Automatically, my eyes popped out and I just couldn't stop smiling at JAy-R who I don't even know a single song . I followed him with my gaze, and it was an instant crush, no he was not that cute, para lang sa tv, okay?

Is there something called to all this? Like famous people freakaziod? celebrityphobia? Or just simply starstruck!

Slap Me! SLAP ME NOW!!!


If you're wondering what went on with the interview, yeah even though I had to wait for two hours more, it went great. Erich Gonzales is very accommodating. And no her boobs are not fake, believe me, probably a cup A or B, she's just got good cleavage.

Hmm,. as for those two hours, it was like a scene from Pinoy Blonde stars ( Gerald Anderson, Jake Cuenca, Sharon Cuneta, Enchong Dee, Xian Lim and EJ Falcon) appearing out of nowhere , what would you expect I was in ABS. I interviewed Erich while on the dressing room, she was gettign ready for her SHARON guesting

i would be posting the recorded interview on multiply soon,

i'm thinking of making my multiply site as my online portfolio. So what do you think?